


Roommates

by thismomentintime



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-07 20:31:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13442814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thismomentintime/pseuds/thismomentintime
Summary: Based on:“Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him”(yes, this is a real article of something that actually happened and it's amazing)Dedicated to every confused bisexual out there





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Please point out all my grammar/general language errors if you'd like to! I'm Dutch and this is the first time I try to translate something, I really want it to be as perfect as possible and I'm not sure if I'm doing anything right, so every bit of help is very much appreciated (I definitely won't find it annoying or rude or whatever :) )

The silence inside of the apartment was loaded. It felt like the rooms were not longer Thorin’s. At first he’d thought he just had to get used to it, now that he all of a sudden had all this room to himself again. But after more than a month he still wasn’t used to it. He missed the company, something he’d never expected to happen, and something he’d definitely never admit to his sister. The silence he used to enjoy so much had changed into a feeling of pressing loneliness.

‘Well you’ve been stopping by quite often lately,’ said his best friend Dwalin half-jokingly when Thorin was standing on his doorstep.  
‘I’m going crazy in that house,’ Thorin complained.  
‘What’s wrong?’  
Dwalin gave Thorin a cup of coffee and opened a box with homemade cookies.  
‘Dís and the boys stayed for almost half a year. It’s so quiet without them.’  
‘You didn’t expect they’d stay forever, did you? It was a temporary solution. That apartment of yours is way too small for four people.’  
‘I know. And it’s better this way. But the boys… Now they only have their mother.’  
Dwalin took a big sip from his steaming mug. ‘It’s not like they’ll never be able to talk to you again.’  
‘I know that. I’m just worried about them. When they were living at my place, I could take the father-role at times. Now they really are on their own.’  
‘Your sister is strong. I’m sure she can be both a mum and a dad for the boys. They’ll get through it. It’s good that they can move on, now that she has a job and a house of her own. As long as they lived at your place and didn’t have a life of their own, it was extremely hard for them to stop grieving.’  
Thorin nodded. ‘I know that, all of it. I think I just miss them.’  
‘Now you have two empty rooms, right?’  
‘One,’ Thorin corrected his friend. ‘I immediately put my workbench back into Fíli and Kíli’s old room.’  
‘You could rent out that one room.’  
‘Rent it out?’  
‘Yeah. Find a roommate, so that you won’t be alone anymore.’  
Thorin didn’t have to think long about that idea. ‘That’s ridiculous, I’m not gonna live together with some stranger! I’m keen on my peaceful and quiet life, Dwalin!’  
‘The same quietness that makes you visit me about everyday lately?’  
Thorin didn’t have anything to reply to that, so he put another cookie in his mouth to buy him some time. ‘Hm,’ he mumbled after he’d chewed on it as long as possible.  
‘It’s not like I don’t like you coming by, you know that. But it’s not good for you. Think about it. You can choose your own roommate, someone who is a good match for you, someone who is also keen on their peaceful and quiet life.’  
‘Hm,’ Thorin mumbled again.


	2. A roommate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I already finished translating the second chapter, it's probably gonna take a little longer before I can update the third chapter though. For now, enjoy this one!

At first Dwalin’s idea didn’t appeal to Thorin at all. But he couldn’t get it out of his head and the empty guestroom kept looking at him accusingly. That made him decide to look for a roommate after all. If he found no one he liked, he could always change his mind and cancel the whole plan. He hung a note in Erebor’s local supermarket and placed an advertisement on facebook. In the following week, he got called by a whopping five candidates, whom he all invited at his apartment to get to know them.

His first appointment was with a man named Bombur. He was so fat that he could hardly fit through the door to the guestroom and his voice was so loud that Thorin was afraid it would break the windows. He was a friendly man, who told how he lost his job as a cook and now couldn’t pay his rent anymore, but Thorin decided that it was impossible for him to share his apartment with someone like him. His pounding footsteps left muddy spots all over the floor and his detailed life-story got Thorin tired after hardly fifteen minutes.

The second candidate was called Radagast, an older man with dirty, long grey hair surrounded by the smell of manure, who immediately had to know if he could take his four rabbits and his dog, and if Thorin would mind him smoking weed inside the apartment. Thorin sent him away as fast as possible.

After Radagast came Oín, also an older man. He was quite deaf and told with tears in his eyes that his wife passed away after a marriage of fifty-three years and that he’d been feeling lonely ever since. Oín was already retired and quite a homebody, so time for himself was something Thorin wouldn’t have with him in his apartment. He didn’t have any children and he hoped that someone could take care of him when he got sick and old. Although he wasn’t an unfriendly person, Thorin wasn’t too keen on becoming his personal nurse.

The next guy was named Gollum. He was a small, meager and above all hideous fellow, who turned out to be homeless and who Thorin thought to be an addict. He stared at Thorin with bulging eyes that were far too big for his sockets while telling some incoherent story which Thorin could impossibly follow. When Gollum had left, he had never been so relieved to never have to see someone again, but he’d also become slightly desperate and without any hope that the last candidate would be suitable at all.

This last candidate’s name was Bilbo Baggins and Thorin almost sighed in relief when he turned out to look extraordinarily normal: slightly younger than himself, quite tiny, and wearing impeccable clothing. His dark blonde curls were neatly and on his mouth he had a friendly, slightly shy smile.  
‘Good evening, mister Oakenshield,’ he greeted him politely. ‘Thank you for letting me come here. How are you?’  
‘Yes. Fine,’ Thorin mumbled, a little overwhelmed because for the first time someone was standing before him who showed interest in him instead of only in the house.  
Bilbo complimented his kitchen and was very enthusiastic about the large guestroom. When Thorin asked him why he wanted to live here, he told that he had to move because of a new job but hadn’t found a suitable home in the region yet. A friend of his from Erebor had seen Thorin’s ad and this apartment seemed a good option for him. ‘And the view is amazing,’ he added. Thorin totally agreed with him on that: his apartment was located on the fourth and highest floor and looked upon the village at one side and upon the sloping hills behind the village on the other side.  
‘If it’s up to me, you can move in immediately,’ Thorin proposed when they’d finished talking.  
‘Are you serious? Immediately?’  
Thorin nodded. ‘You’re the last one on the list and by far the most suitable person.’  
‘Wow, thank you very much,’ Bilbo said. ‘There’s only one small problem.’  
Oh no. There we go, thought Thorin by himself. ‘Do you have pets? An addiction? Some weird illness?’  
‘No, no, nothing like that. I’m into men and I don’t wanna share a home with someone who has a problem with that.’  
‘Oh. Oh! Is that everything? That doesn’t matter at all!’ After everything he’d seen this evening, that was the least of all problems. Although Thorin had specifically gone looking for a male roommate, it didn’t really matter to him if this male roommate were gay. He was polite and clean and he had a calm personality. Those things were most important to Thorin.

Within a week the guestroom was furnished and Bilbo Baggins had become his roommate.


	3. A date

At work during his lunch break, Thorin saw he received a voicemail from Bilbo.  
‘Hi Thorin, sorry for the late message, but I won’t be eating at home tonight, something came up. I’ll see you tomorrow!’

Thorin was surprised to find how disappointed this made him. After something like two weeks it had become a habit to eat together with Bilbo at the dinner table, instead of on his own in front of the tv, as he’d been doing for years. Bilbo had been shocked when he found out about Thorin’s dinner habits. ‘Microwave-meals! In front of the tv! And you do this every day?’ he’d exclaimed bewilderedly.  
Thorin had shrugged without looking away from the screen. ‘What else should I be doing?’  
‘Cooking, of course! Do you never cook?’  
‘Why would I cook if I can shove this thing in the microwave, push a button and immediately shove it into my mouth?’  
‘Why would you – you’re kidding me, aren’t you? That stuff is repulsive, and unhealthy too!’  
‘There’s vegetables in this.’  
‘You can’t call that vegetables! I can’t let this happen. I’ll cook for you tomorrow!’

Not only the day after that, but also the following day, and the next one, there was a meal on the table when Thorin got home. He had to admit that Bilbo was an outstanding cook and that he even found it quite cozy to be sitting opposite each other at the dinner table. In the beginning there were a lot of long, uncomfortable silences which were only broken by the clattering of cutlery, but as they were living under one roof for a longer time and got to know each other better, those silences gradually became shorter and rarer.

However, Thorin still refused to cook for himself so after work he stopped by the supermarket to buy himself another microwave-meal. He was surprised to come home to a box with a delicious looking stew.  
If you really must warm up something, I’d rather have you eating this than some of that plastic rubbish from the supermarket, read a post-it stuck onto the lid. Thorin sniggered and threw his “plastic rubbish” in the freezer and Bilbo’s box into the microwave.

He made good use of his evening being home alone without any plans by skyping his sister.  
‘Hey, Thorin!’ She waved at him as soon as she appeared on his screen. ‘How are you doing? Where’s your roommate?’  
‘He had other plans.’  
‘So then you thought: let’s call my poor sister again for a change?’  
‘Yeah, something like that.’ Thorin smiled. ‘How are you doing over there? Have you gotten used to everything?’  
Dís nodded enthusiastically, but not convincingly enough for her own brother. ‘The surroundings are beautiful. And the school of the boys is nice.’  
‘And what about you?’  
She sighed and waited a few second before answering. ‘Not every day is easy,’ she admitted. ‘I still miss him terribly. But life goes on for us, and I try to remind myself of that.’ She didn’t dwell on it for long. ‘Anyway, the boys like having a home again. They do miss you a little bit, though.’  
‘Do they?’ Thorin decided not to push her. Dís had never been the sentimental type and he hadn’t seen her cry since her husband’s funeral. Whenever she spoke of her loss, it didn’t take a long time. Thorin knew how important it was for her to keep coming across as a strong person and he respected that.  
‘Of course,’ said Dís. ‘We’ve had a good time at your place. It was really sweet of you to take care of us like that. But your roommate is nice, right?’  
Thorin nodded. ‘He’s a good guy: very easygoing and a bit quiet, but always in the mood for a talk. And clean.’  
‘Mum!’ shouted a voice in the background. ‘Where’s my sports bag?’  
Thorin saw a shadow looming behind Dís.  
‘Hey, is uncle Thorin there?’ The shadow came closer and got the face of Kíli, his youngest nephew, who waved at him enthusiastically. ‘Hi uncle Thorin!’  
‘Kíli, how are you, dude?’  
‘Good! I joined the archery team, it’s very popular around here. Almost everyone in my new class does it too. But I lost my bag, have you seen it, mum?’  
‘Yes, you left it in the middle of the hall. I thought it was Fíli’s, have a look in his room.’  
‘Fíli doesn’t do archery, mum!’  
‘I didn’t know what was in that bag, Kíli.’  
‘So you automatically assume that it’s Fíli’s? Do I look that unathletic?’  
Thorin couldn’t help but smile upon hearing them bickering like that. He’d missed the simple daily worries of the boys and he was glad to see Kíli was well enough to be getting worked up about those kind of things.

Bilbo came home late. Thorin, who had to get up the next morning at six to get to work, woke up when he heard the key unlock the door, and a glance at his alarm clock told him it was almost half past twelve. Without wondering for long what Bilbo had been doing that night, he turned around and immediately fell back asleep.

When Thorin left the next morning at half past six, Bilbo was still asleep, but when he came home in the evening he didn’t encounter the tired person he was expecting: Bilbo was standing at the stove while whistling.  
‘Just a moment, dinner is almost ready,’ he said in a cheerful tone.  
‘Well you’re happy,’ Thorin noticed while he took two plates from the cupboard and started laying the table. ‘What have you been up to yesterday night?’  
‘I had a date,’ told Bilbo.  
Thorin saw Bilbo’s cheeks going red and soon turned his gaze. ‘A date? With whom?’  
‘His name is Bofur. I met him through the papers, on one of my first days working here. Do you remember that new rubric about local entrepreneurs? I think I’ve told you about it a while ago. Bofur has a hat store so I interviewed him. I couldn’t get him out of my head, so yesterday I went by his store. It’s not really my thing, actually; to take action and stuff. But it worked out well this time,’ he concluded with a slight, somewhat shy smile.  
Thorin nodded approvingly. ‘So there’s a second date planned already?’  
‘I don’t think so.’  
Surprised, Thorin raised an eyebrow. ‘But you just said that – ‘  
‘I had a nice evening with him, but I don’t think it’s gonna be more than that. Bofur is a good guy, but to me it’s more like a good friendship.’  
‘Oh.’  
‘Besides, I’m having Tinder-contact with someone who’s more my type: a bit sturdier, I always find that attractive. I’ll probably meet him next weekend.’  
‘Next weekend? I’ll be visiting my sister then.’  
‘Ah.’ Bilbo grinned and started blushing again. ‘Isn’t that good timing.’


	4. Blue Mountains

Blue Mountains was a somewhat bigger town than Erebor and it felt less friendly, but nevertheless it was a place where people greeted each other politely in the streets and with more than enough facilities to keep life comfortable.

The boys greeted him enthusiastically and after Dís’ tight embrace, Thorin gave her a basket with a bottle of wine and some bags filled with nuts.  
‘Oh, Thorin, that isn’t necessary!’ she exclaimed in surprise.  
Thorin mumbled something incoherently. It indeed wasn’t necessary and it surely wasn’t a habit of his, but Bilbo had insisted he’d take something with him. According to Bilbo it was highly inappropriate to greet the host empty-handed, and of Thorin’s protests – that the host in question was his own sister; that he didn’t do nonsensical gifts; that he didn’t know what to give her anyway – he didn’t want to hear a word. When Thorin stepped inside his car, he’d found a package on the passenger seat with a post-it on it with the teasing message Be a little kinder, and now he had no other choice than to give it, even though one of the bags with nuts hadn’t survived the ride thanks to Thorin’s rumbling stomach.

‘Uncle Thorin, do you wanna see my bow?’  
‘Uncle Thorin, do you wanna play football with me?’  
‘I was first!’  
‘That’s not fair, I – ‘  
‘Boys, calm down,’ Dís stopped their bickering. ‘I think uncle Thorin wants something to drink first. How about we open this bottle of wine immediately?’  
‘That sounds good,’ Thorin agreed gratefully.  
‘Can we have wine too?’ asked Fíli.  
‘No, of course not,’ said Dís strictly.  
‘Uncle Thorin, why are you living together with a dude now?’  
‘That was convenient.’  
‘Have you become gay?’ asked Kíli.  
Dís laughed and Thorin chuckled as well. ‘Definitely not. He’s my roommate. After you guys moved, I had so much room in the apartment that I could share it with someone. And that someone became him.’  
‘It looks like he has a good influence on you; you look healthy,’ remarked Dís.  
‘He’s a much better cook than you, yes,’ joked Thorin.  
‘We all know that that’s not really an achievement,’ said Fíli while winking at his mother.

That evening the whole bottle of wine was emptied and almost all the nuts disappeared as well – although a big part of them ended up on the floor because Fíli and Kíli tried to throw them into each other’s mouths from as far away as possible – and feeling satisfied Thorin settled into the bed in the small attic chamber.   
He thought of Bilbo, who was looking after the house, but probably wasn’t doing that alone. He caught himself being happy to be this far away during Bilbo’s romantic week-end and that annoyed him. Surely he wouldn’t mind if he had a straight roommate who had a date with a woman? Then why did he have to be so difficult about this? He’d always thought to be a tolerant person. It bugged him that it started to look like he was only tolerant in theory. Why couldn’t he just let Bilbo do his thing?


	5. Nori

When Thorin came home at the end of the weekend, he ran into Bilbo’s date, who was just about to leave. The man was quite big and had a huge black beard; surely not a stereotypical gay. He introduced himself as Bifur and his handshake was firm.  
Thorin knew that he should be polite and ask him if he wanted to stay for a while, but politeness had never been his thing and besides he actually wasn’t really looking forward to Bifur’s company.

‘Sorry, I’d planned he would have left before you came back,’ Bilbo said as soon as the door fell into the lock behind Bifur.  
‘Don’t worry, that doesn’t matter,’ said Thorin a little too fast and in such a jovial voice that Bilbo gazed at him doubtfully. ‘Do you want a beer?’ he quickly added.  
Bilbo nodded and Thorin cracked open two bottles, after which he sat down with Bilbo in the living room.  
‘How was your weekend?’ he asked dutifully.  
Bilbo started blushing a little. ‘I’ve had a very nice weekend,’ he told him. ‘Bifur has been here the whole time.’  
‘And?’  
‘I’ll spare you the details.’ His cheeks grew even more red.  
Thorin laughed, but it sounded a bit forced. ‘I meant what’s gonna happen next between the two of you. He had quite a hurry to leave just yet.’  
‘Oh! Sorry. Yes, I don’t suppose he felt like sticking around to chat.’  
‘If he’s gonna come here more often, he can hardly keep avoiding me.’  
‘Oh, but he’s not gonna come here more often!’ Bilbo called out.  
Thorin became a little confused. ‘But didn’t you just say you had a nice weekend together?’  
‘Yes, for a weekend it was fine. But you’ve seen him; he isn’t relationship-material, is he!’  
‘Oh.’  
‘It was an amazing weekend, but nothing more than that. I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. How was your sister?’

\---

‘Nori, do you have a moment?’  
It was lunchbreak and Thorin was sitting with his colleague Nori in the breakroom. Nori was a nice guy and Thorin appreciated him, but they never talked much so during most breaks Nori was usually reading the newspaper while eating his lunch.  
Nori put away his paper and gave him a friendly look. ‘Of course, what’s up?’  
‘It might be a bit weird of a question. But I have a friend who’s gay and I was wondering… He’s been dating with two different guys, and he was very positive about both of them, but in both cases he didn’t seem to count on it that it’d become a relationship at all. What’s that about?’  
Nori burst out laughing. ‘Why do all straight guys do this?’  
‘Do what?’  
‘Asking the only gay they know about gays!’  
‘We do that?’  
‘Yes, all the time!’  
‘Sorry, I didn’t want to – ‘  
‘No, it’s fine, I don’t mind. But not every gay has the same kind of love-life, so I can’t really say anything about it. I bet there’s also a lot of straight people out there who like dating but don’t necessarily want to commit themselves.’  
‘I don’t have the impression he doesn’t want to commit himself.’  
Nori looked at Thorin derogatory and then said: ‘I think you’re this typical straight guy who is uncomfortable with the idea of a man having sex with lots of different men.’  
Thorin almost choked on his food. ‘That’s not –‘  
‘The idea of two men who love each other and spend their lives together is something you understand and respect. But the idea of a man who has an exciting sex life with other men – that becomes scary.’  
‘He should do whatever he wants to do, I’m not judging him!’  
‘But you’d rather see him having a permanent relationship.’  
Thorin didn’t know what to say. Was this true?  
‘Seriously, I don’t mean to offend you. It doesn’t matter. Most straight men are like that. Do you think he’d be open for a serious relationship though?’  
‘I don’t know. I think so,’ said Thorin hesitatingly.  
‘Would you like to give me his number?’  
‘Are you serious?’  
‘I’m over Lindir now. I’d like to get to know that friend of yours a little better. But I’m not the kind of person who casually dates for fun.’  
‘Well, it’s worth a try. I do have his number for you.’

Long after that conversation, Thorin kept mulling over Nori’s words. It had bothered him that he felt so uncomfortable with Bilbo’s love life. Could Nori be right? In that case he was much more of a homophobe than he’d always considered himself. But he refused to acquiesce in that: he was ashamed that he couldn’t just let Bilbo do what he wanted without judging him for it. Who knew; maybe something would bloom between Bilbo and Nori and hopefully he could deal with that better.


	6. Forever a bachelor

Within two weeks, Bilbo was preparing for his first date with Nori.  
‘You’re quite busy with all those dates,’ remarked Thorin half-jokingly.  
‘You could be too if you weren’t working so much,’ replied Bilbo.  
‘I don’t do romance.’  
‘Yeah, I caught that a while ago,’ laughed Bilbo. ‘You could’ve told me earlier that you have a handsome colleague who happens to be into men as well. Did you know that most straight people I know immediately want to introduce me to their only gay friend as soon as they find out I’m gay?’  
‘That seems like a weird habit to me,’ remarked Thorin.  
Bilbo laughed. ‘Me too. Imagine how busy I’d be if I had to introduce you to every straight woman I know all the time. But if you’re interested, I know someone who – ‘  
‘I’m not interested.’  
Bilbo seemed puzzled by Thorin’s quick answer. ‘When did you last have a relationship?’ he eventually asked in a somewhat shy voice, as if he were afraid that such a personal question would make Thorin angry.  
‘Never.’  
‘Never at all?’  
‘Well, of course I’ve dated around a bit when I was in college. But a real relationship; that’s not for me.’  
‘Why not?’  
‘It just isn’t,’ said Thorin sullen. ‘I’m always busy.’  
‘Not that busy. You only have your job.’  
‘And I’m busy with my job. I like doing it and I wouldn’t want it any other way. If I keep working this hard, I have a chance of taking over the business when my boss retires in a few years.’  
‘And you want that more than meeting a nice lady?’  
‘Absolutely.’  
Bilbo looked at him unbelievably and Thorin started to feel like he had to defend himself. ‘As if your such a relationship-man,’ he remarked. ‘When did you last have a serious relationship?’  
That quieted Bilbo for a while. ‘Okay, you do have a point,’ he admitted.  
‘You can keeping searching for it, but in the end that approach is a much bigger waste of time than mine.’  
‘I don’t see it as a waste of time,’ mumbled Bilbo. ‘I like dating around, without any obligations.’  
‘I find that hard to believe.’  
‘Why?’  
‘Because you wanted to meet with Nori fairly quickly, who has stated clearly enough that he’s only looking for something serious.’  
Bilbo averted his gaze. ‘Well… Eventually it would be nice to be together with someone, right?’  
‘I don’t see why,’ Thorin said.  
‘Because even you started to feel lonely on your own in this apartment. That’s just how people work: we need company.’  
‘I have company now, don’t I?’  
‘Yes, but I’m only your roommate! That’s wildly different from someone with whom you can spend your whole life, who greets you with a kiss when you come home, with whom you sleep in the same bed… I don’t really see you and me doing that anytime soon.’  
Thorin didn’t really know what to say to this, and it seemed like Bilbo only realized just now how weird his remark was. Blushing he looked away, but luckily the uncomfortable silence got broken soon by the sound of the doorbell. Bilbo jumped up hastily to open the door and Nori stepped inside with a bouquet of flowers.  
‘Oh, that wasn’t necessary!’ Bilbo exclaimed full of surprise.  
‘Hi Thorin.’ Nori waved at Thorin a bit awkwardly, who stayed at the table and greeted Nori with only a nod of his head.  
‘That’s really sweet of you, thank you so much! Shall we go?’  
The door smashed closed and Thorin kept reading the newspaper in silence. 

Before Fíli and Kíli had thrown his life upside down with all their fuss, he’d used to relish such a start of his Saturday. But now he couldn’t concentrate on the news and started feeling restless. He retreated into Fíli’s and Kílis old room, which now, just like in the years before, was furnished with his workbench, toolbox, and a radio. Every time Thorin got to work in there, Bilbo declared him a lunatic.   
‘Why would you work all week as a goldsmith and then do the same with wood in your weekends?’ he always asked full of incomprehension.   
But the simple answer was that Thorin had found a passion in creating beautiful things with his hands. His work as a goldsmith was satisfactory to him on a whole different level than his hobby to mess around with wood. He hoped to once be able to afford a house with a garden, so that he would have enough room to tackle huge chunks of wood with a chainsaw to create sculptures that way. However, as long as he was still living here, he had to settle for this small room and some handsaws.

While he was working he quickly remembered what he’d forgotten so suddenly during his discussion with Bilbo: that this craft was the love of his life. It had been that way for years and he was proud not to need anything or anyone besides this. That was his standard answer whenever anybody criticized him for his life as an eternal bachelor, what made it extra strange that he couldn’t find those words when Bilbo explained to him why it was so important to have a woman in his life. That he himself was looking for a man so desperately was his own business – but it didn’t mean that he could project his own desires onto Thorin.


	7. Lonely

However, it became harder and harder for Thorin not to start feeling lonely in the following weeks. More and more often Bilbo spent his evenings with Nori and somewhat more than a month after their first date Thorin was woken up at night by noises in Bilbo’s room.  
‘Will it make me a homophobe if I say something about that?’ asked Thorin when he was having dinner at Dwalin’s and told his best friend all about his annoyances.  
Dwalin frowned. ‘Why are you so tremendously scared to come across as a homophobe? You introduced Nori to him yourself! Wouldn’t you mind just as much if you had a straight roommate who kept you awake doing things with a woman?’  
‘I don’t know,’ Thorin admitted candidly. ‘Maybe I’m indeed more of a homophobe than I thought. I hate to admit it, but seeing Bilbo and Nori together makes me uncomfortable.’ He stared in the distance broodingly for a while and then continued: ‘But maybe that has more to do with the fact that I started to consider Bilbo as a good friend. And now he stops by at work for Nori, while he never came there for me, and I’m the third wheel.’  
‘You mustn’t worry about it so much,’ said Dwalin between two big mouthfuls of chicken. ‘Just talk about it with him. If the two of you are good friends, he’ll understand.’  
But Thorin was too scared that his words would be understood wrongly, so he kept his mouth shut. He couldn’t help but be annoyed by the couple: the many nights on which he was eating frozen meals by himself again, Nori’s pretentious tiredness at work, Bilbo’s visits during lunchbreaks on which they disappeared together for a walk without even looking at him – even Bilbo’s invariable cheerful mood started to irk him.

That was, until Bilbo came home one evening and sat down beside Thorin in front of the tv without making a shocked remark about Thorin eating some greasy salad from a plastic box. That was nothing like Bilbo and Thorin looked at him surprised, ready to tease him with it, but quickly swallowed his words as he saw Bilbo being white as a sheet and having red, swollen eyes.  
‘Are you ill?’ he asked instead.  
Bilbo nodded, but kept his gaze closely on the tv and didn’t say a word.  
‘What’s going on?’  
‘I’m gonna go to bed,’ said he with a cracked voice, after which he rose and closed the door of his room behind him before Thorin could ask another question.

The next day Nori came to work in a surprisingly normal mood. Thorin had supposed the two of them were having a fight, but nothing was noticeable about Nori.  
‘Did something happen between you and Bilbo?’  
‘I broke up with him,’ answered Nori simply.  
Thorin hadn’t seen that coming at all. ‘Why?’ he confusedly asked.  
‘It turns out I wasn’t over Lindir after all. Bilbo is a sweet guy, but this wasn’t fair to him.’

Bilbo appeared to be fairly heartbroken about it, but Thorin secretly felt relieved – after which he felt guilty for being so happy about something that made his friend so sad.  
‘I thought that maybe I’d found the one,’ Bilbo admitted in a low, cracking voice. He was sitting under a blanket on the couch and seemed a whole lot tinier than usual.  
Thorin didn’t know what to do. Did he have to talk with him? Did he have to sit next to him and hold him? Did he have to do as if he didn’t know what was going on?  
He tried avoiding Bilbo to give him some space, but he could sense his sadness through the walls of the working room. Eventually Thorin got a box of ice-cream from the freezer and two spoons from the drawer, with which he sat down beside Bilbo. Without saying anything he handed Bilbo one of the spoons and put on some stupid movie. Halfway through the movie the box of ice-cream was empty and Bilbo was resting his head on Thorin’s shoulder. Every now and then he let out a soft sniff. As soon as the movie had ended, Bilbo went to bed, still without saying a word. Thorin stayed behind on his own, with a wet spot on his shirt where Bilbo’s head had laid and no clue about what the film he’d just been watching was about.


	8. Homophobic

Bilbo’s miserable state kept going on for exactly eight days. After that he told Thorin that he had a date planned for the next day.  
‘Already?’ asked Thorin. ‘Shouldn’t you… umm… recover first?’  
‘I’m done with Nori. I was wrong about him. Yes, I feel played. But life goes on. I met a nice guy and I’m not gonna let him walk away because I happen to feel sad at the moment. This is probably the best way to stop being sad anyway.’  
Still, Thorin couldn’t help but feeling like this was a bad idea. But instead he wished Bilbo a lot of fun and called Dwalin to ask if he could have dinner at his place.

When he came back from Dwalin’s with his stomach full of spareribs and beer, he stepped inside the apartment to suddenly become the witness of a pretty intense snogging-session between Bilbo and his ginger date. Only when he closed the door with a bang, the two men noticed their company and hastily let go of each other.  
‘Oh, Thorin! I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you home so soon,’ Bilbo stammered while a blush started spreading over his cheeks.  
‘Hello, I’m Ori.’  
Quite overwhelmed, Thorin took Ori’s hand, even though he forgot to tell him his own name. ‘You’d better go, Ori,’ said he, in a much blunter way than he meant to do.  
‘No, that’s not necessary, you can – ‘  
‘It’s still my home, Bilbo,’ said Thorin in a louder voice. ‘Goodbye, Ori.’  
‘What was that about?’ asked Bilbo as soon as the door closed behind Ori.  
‘I can’t take this anymore, Bilbo, I’m sorry.’ The image of the two intimately entwined men didn’t disappear from his mind and he felt a little nauseous.  
Bilbo stared at him as if a third eye had just appeared on his forehead. ‘I’ve told you from the beginning how I am, you didn’t have any problems with it and now it’s suddenly become too much?!’  
‘Back then I didn’t know that you’d be bringing a different man home about every week and right under my nose – ‘  
‘I didn’t know you’d already come home again! I’m not going to apologize for who I am, Thorin!’  
‘You don’t have to! I’m only asking if you will stop – ‘  
‘No, that’s not how this works!’ Thorin had never expected that the friendly, always polite and good-natured Bilbo could become this angry. ‘You can’t theoretically approve of me being gay and subsequently react like this as soon as you actually notice something about it!’  
‘I just didn’t expect that you… that you…’  
‘That I’d like dating guys so much? That I’d like kissing guys so much? That I’d like having sex with guys so much? Which part of “gay” was a surprise for you, Thorin? It’s the fact that I’m comfortable with my orientation, isn’t it? Well, luckily for you, you don’t have to be bothered by that for much longer.’  
‘Bilbo, please listen to – ‘  
‘I refuse to listen to a hateful hypocrite, especially when I thought that person was my friend! I don’t have anything more to say to you.’  
Before Thorin could say anything, Bilbo stormed out of the apartment. The door fell shut behind him with a loud bang and Thorin knew for sure he’d never see him again.


	9. Moved out

After a sleepless night Thorin got up to go to work feeling like a robot. The day went by in a haze of tiredness. Again and again his exhausted mind played the scene that happened in the kitchen the day before. How could it have escalated like that? Was he indeed a hateful hypocrite?  
When he came home, he found a single key on the table. It was the first time Bilbo had left something for him without leaving a post-it with a cheerful or teasing message on it. The door to Bilbo’s room was open and showed a spotless, empty room.  
Thorin sighed deeply and pulled open the fridge, but didn’t find anything edible in it.  
When he passed the board with advertisements in the supermarket with a pizza under his arm, his eye fell on a note with the text: Looking for a temporary living space asap. The neat handwriting was unmistakably Bilbo’s.

Thorin suddenly woke up. It took him a while before he realized he’d fallen asleep on the couch and that it was still the middle of the night. He’d had a strange dream, about Bilbo and Ori, but in the dream Thorin was Ori and he wanted nothing more than to keep holding Bilbo forever, even though an angry banging on the door was sounding through the whole apartment.  
Would Bilbo be staying at Ori’s, until he’d find a new residence? Or would he be sleeping somewhere in a lonely, impersonal hotel room, all by himself? Maybe he’d seduced the hotel’s most handsome staff member already on his first night there and was sharing his bed with him, without getting much sleep.  
‘Why am I thinking about this?’ mumbled Thorin to himself. He raised from the couch, took off his clothes and got into bed to get some more sleep. The rest of the night went by restlessly, while he kept brooding and waking up from strange, surreal dreams.

‘Thorin Oakenshield.’  
‘Hey Thorin, how are you?’  
‘Oh, hi Dís. How’s everything?’  
‘I’ve been trying to reach you for about two days now, I’d almost get worried about you if the boy’s didn’t say I shouldn’t be such an idiot! Are you busy?’  
‘Bilbo left me.’ He threw it out before he could change his mind out of fear for Dís’ reaction on his story.  
‘What do you mean, he left you? What happened? Are you okay? You’re sounding quite down.’  
‘We had a fight. I was being kind of a dick,’ Thorin admitted.  
‘And then he left?’  
‘He did.’  
‘What was that fight about? Not just some good old dirty-dishes-annoyances, I suppose?’  
‘No. I came home and he was elaborately making out with some dude. The fourth one since he moved in here. I said something about it, he got mad and called me a gay-hating hypocrite, and then he disappeared.’  
At his surprise, Dís started laughing. ‘A gay-hating hypocrite?! You?! You didn’t tolerate that, did you?’  
‘Well, he was kind of right. It’s often enough that I see straight couples kissing in the streets, on those moments I never feel as disgusted as I felt when I saw Bilbo. It turns out I’m not as tolerant as I seemed to be. He’s absolutely right for not wanting to share a home with me anymore.’  
‘Thorin?’ She sounded hesitating.  
‘Yes?’ said Thorin cautiously.  
‘I have a question for you. But you mustn’t get angry if I’m wrong, okay?’  
‘What is it?’  
‘Would you still have a problem with Bilbo kissing men, if it were you he was kissing?’  
‘Excuse me?!’ The bizarre dream of a few nights ago flashed before his eyes again.  
‘You talk quite a lot about him. He seems to make you happy.’  
‘I’m straight, Dís, just in case you forgot!’  
‘Well, being straight is the norm, so everyone thinks they’re straight until they fall in love with someone of the same gender. Sexuality isn’t always something fixed.’  
‘This is ridiculous!’

But Thorin knew that no one knew him better than his sister. The longer he thought about it, the less ridiculous her idea became. He thought back to the first night he was woken up by Bilbo and Nori, and how uncomfortable that had made him feel. He thought back to the night on which Bilbo had been crying about Nori, and how he didn’t remember a single thing about the movie because he’d constantly been aware of the warm weight on his shoulder. He thought back to his furious reaction when he’d seen Bilbo kissing Ori passionately, and the inexplicable dream that followed. It frightened him. Could it be possible that everything he’d been calling homophobia, had actually been jealousy this whole time?


	10. A confession

It took Thorin a while before he’d processed what it meant that he had, indeed, feelings for Bilbo. It took him a couple more days before he felt brave enough to call Bilbo to apologize and ask him if he would want to see him ever again. But when he finally gathered enough courage, he reached Bilbo’s voicemail, and the time after that as well, just as the time after that. He didn’t get any replies on his messages and after seven blocked calls he gave up. He asked Nori if he happened to know where Bilbo was staying, but Nori told him the two of them hadn’t spoken since the break-up.

When he saw Bilbo’s call for housing still hanging in the supermarket, he got an idea. “I sub-rent a room in my home. Please come by so we can get to know each other: Durin Street 45, next Saturday, 10am,” he wrote beneath Bilbo’s message. Just like every Saturday morning Dwalin would have a football match at that time and Thorin was quite sure that he wouldn’t mind opening up his house for this case.

Thorin remembered how flattered Bilbo was when Nori had gotten him a bouquet of flowers. He couldn’t remember the last time he had set foot in a flower shop, but for this occasion he put his pride aside and with the very first bouquet that caught his eye he went on his way to Dwalin’s.  
‘Aw, those are for me?! How sweet of you!’ shouted Dwalin sarcastically when Thorin walked into his house.  
‘Shut up. I’m trying my best, okay?’  
‘Hopefully that’s not gonna be your reaction in a moment, when Bilbo says the exact same thing I just did.’  
‘Isn’t it time for you to leave?’  
‘You’re snarling at me even more than usual; you must be extremely nervous.’  
That was true: he had barely been able to eat even one bite of his breakfast and the thought of probably seeing Bilbo in a few moments made him nauseous – but nauseous in a much better way than back when he’d seen Bilbo with his tongue stuck in Ori’s mouth.  
‘Okay, I gotta go. Good luck Thorin.’  
‘You too. With your match, I mean.’  
Dwalin laughed, put on his training shoes, and left Thorin alone.

The half hour that followed seemed to extend for ages. But at exactly ten o’clock, just like Thorin knew Bilbo, the doorbell rang. Thorin sighed deeply, took the flowers from the table, and opened the door. He barely saw Bilbo’s friendly smile before it got wiped away by the realization of who was standing in front of him.  
‘What is this kind of idiocy?’  
‘You kept ignoring all my messages.’  
‘So you set a trap for me?’  
‘Will you please listen to me for a moment? These are for you.’  
For a moment it seemed like he wouldn’t take the flowers, and Thorin felt so ashamed that he wished he’d never done it, but then Bilbo stretched out his arm, even though the look on his face kept being just as hostile.  
‘What on earth is this for?’  
‘I’ve been acting like a jerk. Let’s get that out of the way first. And I’m terribly sorry about that. But what I didn’t understand yet at that moment, was that I was being jealous.’  
‘Jealous?’ Bilbo repeated. He didn’t seem to understand any of it.  
Thorin nodded. ‘I was jealous of every man who got to spend his evenings and weekends with you while I was sitting at home on my own. I wanted you to myself.’  
‘But… I still was home often enough, wasn’t I? It’s not like we never talked to each other anymore.’  
Thorin hated how Bilbo was being so thick.  
‘That’s not what I meant.’ He took a deep breath and tried to unnoticeably wipe his sweaty hands on his jeans. ‘I mean… I mean that I was jealous of every man who got to hold you the way I got to hold you when you were crying on my shoulder, that I was mad at every man who could hurt you, that I’ve been so stupid all that time not realizing that after all, I wasn’t as straight as I’ve always been thinking.’  
Bilbo only stared at him, utterly flabbergasted. ‘What are you trying to say, Thorin?’ he finally asked.  
Thorin wondered if Bilbo was playing dumb deliberately, just to let him sweat a little longer. If he was, he deserved it. ‘You made me bi, Bilbo,’ he admitted. He didn’t know how he could say it any clearer. ‘And you made me forget that I wanted to be an eternal bachelor.’


	11. Finally

‘Will you please say something back?’  
Bilbo was still standing on the doorstep, for almost a minute now, without moving, just staring at him. ‘I don’t really know what to… Wow. I didn’t see this coming.’  
‘Then will you at least step inside for a moment, so that we can have a normal conversation?’  
Bilbo nodded and followed Thorin to Dwalin’s living room. He seemed so overwhelmed that Thorin got a little bit worried.  
‘Are you alright?’  
‘Yes. It’s just quite a lot to process.’  
‘Believe me, it was a lot to process for me too.’  
Bilbo attempted to laugh, but didn’t succeed very well at it.  
‘Could I better not have said it?’  
Bilbo shook his head. ‘No, of course not. I’m glad you told me. I’m just very confused.’  
An uncomfortable silence fell and Thorin desperately tried to think of something he could say to get the conversation going again, but Bilbo was faster than him.  
‘In the very first week we knew each other, I already developed feelings for you.’ He didn’t look Thorin in the eye while he spoke. ‘Few things are as frustrating as falling in love with a straight guy, so I tried not to give it any attention. I thought it would automatically go away after some time. I dated other guys. It went pretty well. And then I met Nori and I genuinely thought I was over you. Until you were there for me during the break-up in the best way possible, when I was feeling awful. That didn’t really help, of course. So in a desperate attempt to get over you I met with Ori and one thing let to another and… Well, you know very well how that ended. I felt like your reaction hurt me twice: not only because it was a good friend who said all those things, but also because that person was the man I’d been wanting to kiss for months. To hear at that moment how much that idea disgusted him… I have to say, it’s hard to unite that with this confession.’  
‘I think I only found it so nauseating to watch you kiss a man because I wasn’t that man.’  
Bilbo didn’t say anything anymore. Finally his eyes looked into Thorin’s.  
Hesitatingly and secretly terrified, Thorin set one step towards him. He wanted nothing more than to hold Bilbo, but he was too afraid to do it.  
‘I’m really sorry, about my reaction that night.’  
Bilbo shook his head. ‘I know. You don’t have to explain it anymore.’  
Bilbo turned out to be the bravest of the two: he filled the distance between them, put his arms around Thorin and raised his head towards him.  
As soon as he felt Bilbo’s touch, it wasn’t difficult for Thorin anymore to bow his head and press his lips onto Bilbo’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo that was my first fanfiction which I actually translated myself. Thank you so much for all the lovely messages so far, you made me believe that I'm not as bad at translating as I thought I was, that really means a lot :) I do still wanna learn though, so please tell me about any errors in the story! I'll start translating some of my other fics soon, I love you guys and I hope you enjoyed this story


End file.
